Bringing babby home.

It has been nearly eight weeks since our lives dramatically changed. Seven weeks and three days since the Big E came into town...

Since time goes on I seem to cope better with having a newborn, but, I also seem to be remembering all the other things I have to do, so, by each day my list gets bigger and bigger, not necessarily easier. During this time I have since gone back to University, being in my final year of study I am incredibly stressed and to be honest not a lot of fun to be living with! Regardless of all of this, I am feeling really happy! Our house move has fallen through, my student loan is yet to be processed, I have no time to eat more than one meal a day. But... Hey! I THINK THE CHILD JUST SMILED AT ME.

As time as gone on we have become very relaxed with childcare, no longer freaking out every time he cries, no longer staring over his crib making sure he is okay. Now Richard shoots up alien terrorists (or whatever) with one arm whilst the other holds a snoring child, I no longer panic when he throws up his dinner, we allow a few minutes to pass the hour of which we should re-sterilise his 'bot-bot', And so on...
I now understand how manipulative Mother nature is, babies shriek so one mildly panics, so they know to be alert and tend to the child's needs. It is all just an evolutionary ploy.

These things have come intuitively, it's strange really when looking back at his first night home I was a complete emotional wreck. I recall Richard trying to work the steriliser equipment and make up a formula whilst I cradled a crying child to my chest just thinking 'omg hurry up. please god hurry up, omg what do I do... please hurry up ARGHHH'. By the tenth mimute into the wait I started crying myself. I became over-run by guilt, it felt like because I couldn't get his food to him THAT second I was a redundant Mother. I felt almost, despicable. Now everything has healed, my stitches, and my jittery nerves! I am getting into the swing of things now, knowing to make batches of formula as and when, before he cries. Instinctively knowing wh cry means what... Currently childcare seems to get easier as time goes on. However, I am sure we're approaching the time where that will no longer be true, but by the looks of things it is going to be so much rewarding.

Elliott is now ooohing and ahhhing, reacting to his Mother oddly dancing at him and the sounds his toys make. And now, even when he complains or cries, they seem to forumulate a pattern giving us a better idea of what he is trying to communicate. I fear I am wishing a part of his life away sometimes, but I really just can't wait till he starts talking to me! It's going to be SO amazing.

Fed up. A week to go....

I want my body back.
I want my boobs back.
I want to be able to put my own knickers on without falling over.
I want the metallic taste in my mouth to disappear.
Most of all I want to meet my son.

I don't know what I hate more the feeling my ribcage is being pulled apart
or the fact its much harder to breathe.

Seven days have never felt so much like an eternity before...

10 positives about my pregnancy

Enough with the maternity moans! Below is a list of reasons to why I should like my pregnancy, rather than wishing for its inevitable end. This pregnancy has been rather tough, to be honest I hated the first and third trimester so much, those reasons alone would make me think twice about doing it again.
But heres a bunch of reasons that in a few weeks time, I may come to miss it.

1 - I get to interior design shop, a lot. No questions asked! ...Junk shops, Ikea, Habitat, no one can hold me back!

2 - It makes me think of the 'larger picture', rather than just my own needs. Helps me to put my existence in perspective

3 - Rowdy men on the street leave you alone, no wolf whistles or strange comments, sometimes they will be surprisingly respectful to you, holding doors open, etc.

4 - Because I have had severe nausea throughout this pregnancy my partner cooks every night, he has now become really good at cooking whereas before I couldn't trust him with a microwave.

5 - I did not suffer from stretchmarks nor did I get a Linea Alba, which I don't really like the look of. (some women do, I don't)

6 - Always having an unquestionable reason to get out of social arrangements if needed.

7 - Random chats with nostalgic middle age women about pregnancy in the supermarket.

8 - I have spent a lot of time reconnecting with my own Mother.

9 - My relationship has got much better, we communicate more efficiently, hardly argue and take things on the chin a lot more, again pregnancy has a way of making light of things which may have really knocked you down before.

10 - Sex is more intense when pregnant! It feels incredible!

[Picture left Die Hoffnung by Gustav Klimt (1903)]

Getting my maternity kit off...

So, a friend of mine needed a preggo to bare (not really) all for his upcoming video installation. At first I didn't want to do it, but didn't want to let anyone down. I tried to re-write my parts where my chest would be covered with a newborn, un-surprisingly we had problems getting hold of one.

Looking back at the day I suppose I felt more funny about being partially naked in front of my friend, I also felt odd that by getting my kit off when pregnant would misrepresent my usual shape. The day came closer and closer then on the day I just took a deep breath whipped my top and bra off and got on with it. - the tension dropped and not after long I felt fine.

Looking back on the photographs (which I asked to be taken) I was slightly proud I had overcome being so wilful and just got on with it, not to mention I didn't appear to look like the Jabba-the-Hutt freak that I was convinced I would. Also, after the pregnancy, looking back at this time in years to come, I can see how I carried my first born. (Not to mention being a part of a pretty unique art-piece!). Just as well it is being exhibited in lands far away, I would probably feel much different if my friends were to see it!

I definitely suggest doing something similar, this has made me consider making a video of the birth or from the day of arrival so I can remember all of this, the negatives make me forget how happy I am to be carrying. Also, on speaking to other Mothers about this they recall the final stages/labour as cloudy, it seems to upset them that everyone sees their experience from a better view of which they did.

I don't know, maybe i'm going maaaaaaad.

27 weeks! Update!

I am 27 weeks! Not long to go now, this feels all the more real considering David Cameron had his baba today, me and his wife fell pregnant around the same time, so it is a little scary! - Horrifying Torie babies aside I shall update you on the pregnancy niggle front: the 'morning' sickness has pretty gone just gone, or has actually been left to just the morning, thank goodness. I now waddle rather than walk, and I eat all of the time.
Cravings are kicking in now, albeit them ever changing ones. The longest cravings I have had have been Spaghetti hoops and Aeros, not together, I don't really have any exciting stories on that front really. I usualy just prefer really starchy foods like potatos and bananas and insanely fruity drinks. Nothing really exciting like coal i'm afraid - unlike my friend who had a severe craving for bubble bath foam!
Regarding the hoops and chocolate, not sure what defiency that could be highlighting, if any... maybe its that I don't eat enough junk food and my baby is giving me a helping hand.
CHANCE WOULD BE A FINE THING.

I had a scan last week where they told me I had a lot of placenta, meaning baby is getting a big ol' connection to my blood supply, this has been said in the same fortnight where had had t come in and out of hospital for collapsing. It isn't regular pregnancy fainting spells, either, I lose my vision, get a fever and pass out followed by violently throwing up - We have been in and out of different health services trying to find out the answers but thus far Doctors seem to think I have bad anaemia brought on or exasperpated by the pregnancy. M blood levels were low at the start but it goes to show its got to the point where baby is literally sucking ALL OF MY blood. Cheeky bugger! Thankfully though, everything is fine on the baby front, all tests on the baby have come back more than positive and he is kicking me now, more than ever. [Sigh]

We have had it also confirmed I am in fact having a boy! - something I always had a feeling I would, but now I can stop panicking about all those baby boy clothes and toys impulsivly purchased.
This news has brought on slight anxieties though, I am worried about raising a boy, I know where I am with a girl, but what if my little boy turns into a macho woman hating man, or worse, ANOTHER GAMER? (like his Father) - I don't think I can take another nerd in the house!
How do I keep the balance between keeping an open mind and remaining vigilant with my own views? I am probably getting really ahead of myself, these things, they have a habit of just buzzing around my head at night. It's all just a part of a bigger problem, that I am getting nervous about actually becoming 'a Mother', being responsible for a person and as well as a unit, being a role model, and entertaining another little soul's imagnation till he becomes an independent person...

BUT I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE YET. ARG.

On Sunday I have my baby shower, we are having a Mexican theme, as one of my many cravings have been burritos, this hits two nasty birds with one stone, this way the men can make ridiculously hotwraps and smoke cuban cigars whilst the women get on talking about the horrors of childbirth. Hooray.

T-minus 100 days!

We're due our bundle of joy in 100 days, these are the things still left to do (I will highlight items as they become completed):

1 - Have the baby shower. [COMPLETED]
2 - Write up my birth plan.
3 - Complete house hunt. [COMPLETED]
4 - Have the frightening meet up with partner's mother and discuss parenthood [COMPLETED]
5 - Go to Antenatal classes. [COMPLETED]
6 - Go to Aquanatal classes. [HAVE HAD PHYSICAL PROBLEMS PREVENTING ME FROM DOING THIS]
7 - Learn how to knit (don't just learn how to cast-on then give up).
8 - Sell all the clothes I will no longer be able to fit it/not appropriate for 'motherhood' on eGay. [ONGOING]
9 - Make labour mix tape. It will probably include lots of Brian Eno and none of my partners love for Thin Lizzy.
10 - Agree on a girl's name, just in case it isn't in fact a boy. [COMPLETED]
11 - Move into new place. [ONGOING]
12 - Decorate nursery.
13 - Make plushy toy for child.
14 - Sew a personalised blanket for chid.
14 - Do all that PC muscle stuff. [ONGOING]
15 - Learn how to use and assemble travel system. [COMPLETED]
16 - Have a meeting with midwife over breastfeeding/going back to work. [COMPLETED]
17 - Learn all that crap about sterilisers/powders/warmers, etc. [COMPLETED]
18 - Buy a cot. [COMPLETED]
19 - Apply for maternity grant. [COMPLETED]
20 - Stop worrying!! [ARRGH]

Making maternity marvelous!

Coming soon to in the pudding club a write up about the woes of maternity clothes. In the meantime here are a couple of online tutorials showing you how to make your own yummy mummy maternity clothes out of your old regular ones.

Jeans to a maternity skirt - HomemadebyJill.blogspot.com
Two regular skirts refashioned into a 'modest' maternity skirt - Georgeina.wordpress.com
Regular jeans to maternity jeans - Instructables.com
Making a maternity skirt - seemommysew.wordpress.com

From Craftzine.com:

15 weeks update!

So, 15 weeks and 3 days have passed.
I have just got back from the hospital filling all my forms, ticking numerous boxes and giving out samples of different fluids. It's all very exciting, not to mention I can, for once have a night off without thinking the worst.

At around 13 weeks my hyperemesis started to fade and it has been getting better (slowly but surely) day by day. Some other symptoms have started to become a bit of a pain though, for instance I keep fainting, especially in shops/supermarkets. And as I have previously mentioned without an obvious bump people treat you differently, for instance the last time I fainted the security guard assumed it was because I had been drinking (it was a hot day and everyone was picnicing and that sort of thing). He radioed for an ambulance and another guard from the Arndale precinct, causing a massive scene in front of all the people at the checkout. Very embarrassing. Took me a while just to explain to the poor fellow that this happened frequently to pregnant women (and that no, I was not drunk).

Headaches! Migraines! Mood swings! Three things I do not need more of in my life, but hey, it's better than throwing up 99% of the time. I find a dark quiet room and a 20 minute lie-down can cure a lot of aliments. Just as well really as I won't be taking any over the counter medication for a long while!

Richard/boyfriend/partner/'the other one' has become a lot more excited now he has seen the baby move, I do think men usually need to see it to believe it. Saying that, I know there's a thing growing inside me as I am the one peeing 5 times a night and throwing up my favourite meals!
We're making scary 'life plans' telling parents and generally being really proactive. This is great as my sickness/fatigue is starting to fade just as the sunshine is coming out.

Things feel much more positive.