Bringing babby home.

It has been nearly eight weeks since our lives dramatically changed. Seven weeks and three days since the Big E came into town...

Since time goes on I seem to cope better with having a newborn, but, I also seem to be remembering all the other things I have to do, so, by each day my list gets bigger and bigger, not necessarily easier. During this time I have since gone back to University, being in my final year of study I am incredibly stressed and to be honest not a lot of fun to be living with! Regardless of all of this, I am feeling really happy! Our house move has fallen through, my student loan is yet to be processed, I have no time to eat more than one meal a day. But... Hey! I THINK THE CHILD JUST SMILED AT ME.

As time as gone on we have become very relaxed with childcare, no longer freaking out every time he cries, no longer staring over his crib making sure he is okay. Now Richard shoots up alien terrorists (or whatever) with one arm whilst the other holds a snoring child, I no longer panic when he throws up his dinner, we allow a few minutes to pass the hour of which we should re-sterilise his 'bot-bot', And so on...
I now understand how manipulative Mother nature is, babies shriek so one mildly panics, so they know to be alert and tend to the child's needs. It is all just an evolutionary ploy.

These things have come intuitively, it's strange really when looking back at his first night home I was a complete emotional wreck. I recall Richard trying to work the steriliser equipment and make up a formula whilst I cradled a crying child to my chest just thinking 'omg hurry up. please god hurry up, omg what do I do... please hurry up ARGHHH'. By the tenth mimute into the wait I started crying myself. I became over-run by guilt, it felt like because I couldn't get his food to him THAT second I was a redundant Mother. I felt almost, despicable. Now everything has healed, my stitches, and my jittery nerves! I am getting into the swing of things now, knowing to make batches of formula as and when, before he cries. Instinctively knowing wh cry means what... Currently childcare seems to get easier as time goes on. However, I am sure we're approaching the time where that will no longer be true, but by the looks of things it is going to be so much rewarding.

Elliott is now ooohing and ahhhing, reacting to his Mother oddly dancing at him and the sounds his toys make. And now, even when he complains or cries, they seem to forumulate a pattern giving us a better idea of what he is trying to communicate. I fear I am wishing a part of his life away sometimes, but I really just can't wait till he starts talking to me! It's going to be SO amazing.

A thought provoking and candid account of one woman's experiences of childbirth, and the idea of being 'womanlike'

"When I told people I didn't plan to breast-feed my daughter (I only told people who asked; I'm old-fashioned that way), I met a fair amount of incredulity. "But don't you want to give your child every possible advantage?" I was asked. Not really, I replied. This kid will be born white and middle class in America; she's already ahead of 95% of the rest of the world. Why does she need every advantage?"

- http://mcsweeneys.net/links/bitchslap/bitchslap10.html

Showing off: Children's artwork jewellery.

twochickstoo at Etsy has made this lovely way of capturing and not to mention showing off your little un's artwork.

You scan a copy over to her or send the orginal to her house after paying and by 10 days your kiddie's work will be forever cherished in one of these resin cameo pendants. Love it.

A 'Mothery' Moan...

Today I picked up my Mum-to-be essential pack from Bounty. I wasn't too happy with its contents.

The items that are 'for Mum' all had connotations which I thought were a bit off... The pack came with nipple pads... okay, they will come in useful... laundry tablets, I suppose there will be a lot of dirty clothes... Hmm... a can of diet coke with a voucher exclusively for another diet coke. Then pow! -a pamphlet on life insurance!? So, the general consensus is that when I have my little one I will turn into a leaky, fat, housemaid who should start planning their death... Charming!

I was hoping for some samples of baby lotion, advice on healthy eating, happier sort of stuff, the odd promotion-rubbish, but generally I hoped things like this would be a celebration of mum finally meeting baby. There was a pack within the pack for the baby which came from Pampers which will come in useful, wipes and newborn nappies, that sort of thing... But still, it's called a 'Mum-to-be' pack.

The reason to why I am writing this up on here, is that I usually find that pregnant women do have things mentioned and said to them in passing which wouldn't when not pregnant, it would be seen as rude and unseemly. Not to mention these packs are handed out within NHS hospitals (also Sainsburys and Boots). We should be encouraging women to relax with their bodyshape during this time, altered or not. We should be encouraging women to apply a new routine with their child which does not include just cleaning and weight loss. Also, what about the men? The men could benefit from nappy rash cream too! - they will have to learn at some point so why are these packs and vouchers pushed out to the women.

This slightly relates to why I started this blog in the first place, as I read pregnancy magazines I found them more and more pushy. When writing up my baby shopping lists I found it difficult to differentiate between things I needed and things that they told me I needed. As a first time Mum how can I ever be sure? With these messages how can I feel relaxed or prepared? My answer; stop reading those magazines and talk to women who have done it, speak to anyone in the hospital who will listen or seems enthusiastic about babies (this is not at all difficult to find on an antenatal ward!).

Pregnancy magazines/documentaries/stories usually centre around two things shock and/or aspirational living: 'Look at this poor woman!' or 'Look at this rich woman living it up!'. I would like to see some articles becoming somewhat more humble. I recently saw a documentary on (BBC3 of all places) called 'Cherry is having a baby', it was patronising and a bit rubbish but it interviewed all different types of women from different backgrounds and it made for an interesting narrative. The women who had more in the way of money/career had massive concerns over their body image and changes of lifestyle, whereas younger parents/single mums would remain headstrong and would be very much open to the idea of change. There is a dialogue to be had that would be more interesting to have amongst new mothers and fathers. New found parenthood is tough on everyone, let's not make it worse by singling out women who are already vulnerable to commercial ads.

In any case, I am going off on one. With this I will finish.

The attack of the killer pram! - Parenthood and artistry

I am not exactly the Guardians biggest fan, so I was pleasently surprised to see this article passed onto me by my partner. It's a refreshing piece discussing the realities of making it in the art world after becoming a parent. The article is written by novelist Frank Cottrell Boyce, so obviously its about writing in particular, but the same principles can be translated to all the arts, or even an attitude to life as a nervous parent.
In my household me and my partner both work in creative fields, to work nine to five to fund our lifestyles would feel like more or less giving up... Giving in and by our standards, we would be failing a inspirational good role models for our little un'.
Richard (understandably) wants to support me and our child, to provide for us without worry. I, would also like those things, but only under certain circumstances. Echoing the role Cottrel's wife, I also have only ever wanted my partner to write. For him to make a living from it, anything else is secondary to the bigger picture. I would not be happy to either of us to lose sight of our ambitions, and if we were to what kind of example would that set for our child? In addition to this I think to create and explore new ideas/places with my child strapped onto my partners back would make a wonderful reality for the person-to-be.
The child's presence I believe will encourage us to take our professions more seriously, as I am not only working for me now. We're working for the entire unit. It's going to be incredably hard, but hey, what other choices do we have?

(Pictured above: Artist Barbara Hepworth with child Paul, 1929)

A Century of Fatherhood.

BBC 4 have put together a series presenting 'A Century of Fatherhood'. In this episode it points the finger at turn of the 20th century fiction, which in many cases is to blame in allowing us to believe that Fathers are (or rather were) not at all warm to their children.

This series uses diaries and personal accounts in order to suspend the myth that men were the cold, short tempered, bread providers, and not much else.
It looks into the effects of the first world war and the impact it had on being a paternal figure.

It was really refreshing to see a program which did not cash in on stereotyping men as belligerent neanderthals. However, the narration is a bit wet and makes it hard for the viewer not to want to gag at points. But all in all, I will be continuing with this series, it makes for thought provoking viewing.

Just maybe not watch it if you are a single mother, it is quite a warming documentary.

Eak!