Things you need not buy

The Ritmo Nuvo Mp3 player. Plays your music to your bump. Or something...

'Ritmo allows you and your baby to share the sensory and emotional experience of bonding through sound and music, while being supportive, safe, and stylish at the same time.' - When are people going to admit that you don't really 'share' anything with your baby at this point. It can hear stuff yes, it can hear you, It can kick you. It doesn't have the ability to appreciate the finer things in life yet such as your new Eminem album...
Sort it out.
Also, I have seen more stylish bits of 'kit' at an old people's home.

The Mon Babe Perfume... For your baby?

Yeah, that's right a perfume to make your baby smell more like a baby. Claims to have aromatheraputic proprieties, I doubt it, as someone who dabbles in that sort of crazy thing you have to use strong essential oils which then need to be diluted for topical application. Not the kind of thing which is good for babies skin, also, perfume for your baby is just a really stupid idea and at £25 it's a snatch!

The 'Why baby cry' analyzer.

This apparently figures out why your child is crying... but going by the product description below I wouldn't feel comfortable buying from a company who sells to an English market yet has no grasp of the frickin' language.

Sometimes when a baby keep on crying, parents are so confused do not know what have to be done, at this point it would be nice to have a baby’s translator. Think Geek with this innovative product is here to rescue you by analyzing why your baby cry.

...Yeah

Disney's new range of maternity clothes.

NOTHING needs to be said here other that 'Ugh'.

Sweet cake tub baby bath

If you are one of those people who insist on pushing every passing fad onto your first born then this product for you. It's overpriced and used by passing celebrities all over. Hoorah.
Its unsuitable for new borns and takes up lots of room... Not to mention it's tacky and expensive to boot. What a combo!?

Prince Lionheart Ultimate Wipes Warmer

Just in case you never considered the temperature of shit, you will now! At a steal at £25.

MummyWraps with Swiss Shield®

Radiation protection for your unborn child. A fabric which apparently guards anything beneath it from radiation poisoning.
Mummywraps, geniuses in making money from people's most irrational fears - hence the discount for expectant mothers in Chernobyl.

Dream Machine exercise bike.

Using this machine will assist with you losing your baby fat because obviously we are all so fat and ugly after giving birth, childbirth, it's a that stop gap from being sexy to pretty much decrepit. The idea behind this machine is that we combine those efforts to being passable again with a rocking baby to sleep action.
Stupid. Also you shouldn't exercise for a few months after being postpartum. So, just another reminder that all new mothers are fat and undesirable, obviously.

I picked this picture for it's fantastic tag line 'safer than putting baby on a real bike'... A baby microwave, safer than putting baby in a real microwave!